Dear Mum,

2011-09-06T12:44:00.002+08:00

Mummy mummy, congrats!
You are promoted to Granny!!

I know that if you will be blessing little RJ from above,
and you will be crying tears of joy!

It still hurts to know that you won't be here to see or hold RJ,
but it warmth our heart to know that your biggest wish is fulfilled.

We still miss you lots, Mum.
Lots...

Love,
KX

Happy birthday, Mum

2011-07-01T02:24:00.003+08:00

Dearest Mum,

Happy birthday!!

Are you having your favourite Mango Cake with Ah Gong and Ah Mah in heaven?

I showed Jingo your photo yesterday,
and he barked!!

He remembered you!
Who wouldn't?
You were the kindest soul on earth!

And i was wrong not to treasure you....until it's too late.

I love you, Mum.

Love,
Daughter

2011-06-07T17:11:00.002+08:00

Dear Mum,

How have you been?
It's been years since you left.

I was browsing some online sites that sell dresses when i chanced upon a black dress with roses pattern on it. It looked like the same dress i bought for you on my wedding...

We also selected that dress for you when it was your last journey....therefore as i recall, tears flowed down my cheek.

Don't worry Mum, i have become stronger.

And who says i cannot miss you, and who says i have to stop talking about you, telling people about my mum who loved me with all her heart.

I do talked to son about you...he is five now and he still remembers you. Sometimes, late at night....when we are at the topic of family, he would mention you, telling me that you went heaven.

Mum, there is no way i can turn back the clock and amend for my mistake, i regret on the way i have treated you. And you know that i have always loved you as my mother, always wanted you to have a better life. But caught up in demand in life, i neglected your feelings and took you for granted.

I am sorry.

Love,
Daughter..

2010-05-01T21:50:00.002+08:00

Dearest Mummy,

It's been 3 years and i still misses you alot.

We recently shifted you over to Wesley's new place, hope you like it!
Well, you might miss the 'noise' our two dogs made right??

I often told Kayton,
"One day, when mummy dies, you must be strong and do not cry, take care of Daddy and Boon Lay Ah Gong too!"..

And i tell myself,
i must make sure he is well taken care of when i am gone..
just like you did.

You might already know,
as we have told you many times when we were praying to you,
Wesley getting married in June,
and they are busy preparing for the wedding now.

In-laws are nice friendly people,
Wesley is fortunate to have met Yvonne and i am so glad that she is the ONE!

I haven't dreamt of you for a long time,
but on the night of your 3rd year,
i did had a feeling that you 'visited' me...

I know i will have your blessing wherever i am,
and i know that i have not lost your love.

Just like you have not lost my love for you too..

I miss you, Mum.
And if i could turn back the clock,
i would have treated you with more concern and love.

Not barking you around..
behaving like an ass-hole infront of you..
You must be heart-broken but too kind to tell me how hurt you felt!

I miss you..

2009-06-30T23:33:00.002+08:00

Dear Mum,

How had you been?

I have been dreaming of you very often lately...
It's a mixture of sadness yet happiness when i woke up from these dreams as i do get to see you again....
yet sadness as i miss you so so much.

MK and WJ are finally married,
you must be smiling in heaven when they said their vows...

Every time when things do not go my way,
and my road ahead seems to be bumpy,
i would think about how life was so hard on you,
and how you would never complained,
this will be where i draw my courage and energy from.

If you could withstand these hardships and make sure we are properly fed,
how could i complain about mine?

Mine would be nothing compared to what you been through...

I wish i had told you how much i appreciate you,
how much i love you...

Thank you and i love you, dearest mum..

2009-02-22T00:33:00.002+08:00

Dear Mum,

How have you been, Mum?

There are so many things i want to tell you,
and many good news that i want to share with you.

The happiest of them all would be,
MK's ROM with WC!

Your dream had come true,
they will ROM on 060609!

And the next good news is that,
i am promoted.

With a pay rise,
of course,
this would means greater responsibilities and lesser time with Kayton.

Lately,
i kept crying.
I kept having images of you in my mind.

And i would be overwhelmed by the sadness i felt in me.

Mum,
i wish i would see you in my dreams!
I just miss you so so much!

KX

2009-01-24T00:15:00.001+08:00

Dear Mum,

In another two days,
it will be Chinese New Year!

And it will be different without you!

You used to look forward to the Chinese New Year,
as you could play with us in rounds after rounds of poker cards,
and you never did understand you cannot get a dealer to count the total number of points you got in your cards!!

Bro and i never spared you yeah,
we kept making fun of you,
trying to win you in every round.

And sometimes,
we tricked you into showing us your cards!

These are fond memories,
yet it draw tears to my eyes as i recalled them!

Go in peace, Mum.
Do not worry for us,
you have fulfill your duty as a mother,
and you had done a great job.

You were selfless,
always putting our interest above yours,
as a result,
it cost your life.

I am so sorry for being such a selfish daughter,
if only i had been more understanding and loving towards you...

If only.

KX

2009-01-09T00:20:00.002+08:00

Dear Mum,

Still miss you so much!
Even though it had been months since you left.

Bro had a dream of you some weeks ago,
and hahaa,
you scare the hell out of him!!

Is it you,
or just a dream?

I hope that you are reborn into a good family by now...
A pair of doting parents,
some lovely and caring siblings that love and protect you.

Mum,
i miss you.

KX

2008-10-28T00:23:00.003+08:00

Dear Mum,

How have you been, Mum?
Missed you....and the missing never stop.

I had many dreams lately about you.

Are you holding on and not moving on?
Please do not worry about us and continue your journey in peace.

I am wearing a pendant that you gave me,
and every time Kayton sees it,
he would tell me that you gave it to me.

And when i asked if he misses you,
he would nod his head and replied YES.
Then proceed to ask me where are you now?

I would tell him that you are in heaven,
watching over us.

I love you, Mum.

KX

2008-10-18T00:10:00.002+08:00

Dearest Mum,

How have you been?

Another few days time, it would be 6 months since you left us.
We still miss you LOTS.

Thank you for blessing us from above.
Things are fine.
I am taking up a part-time course,
MK seems to be doing well in his new job,
Willie too.

And Dad got his hearing aid,
so is able to participate in more of our conversation.

Please do not worry for us,
continue your journey in peace and eternal happiness.

KX

2008-10-10T00:38:00.002+08:00

Dear Mum,

How have you been?

I was watching Money Not Enough 2 with Willie just now and i cried my heart out.
How much emotional pain you must be going through on days when i was rude to you!

I just want you to know that,
i have always felt very guilty after i vented my frustration on you,
i have always wanted to say 'i am truly sorry' to you.

But pride stopped me.

And what make this guilt stays on for so long is that,
i have never gotten a chance to repay you properly.

I remembered when i was young,
and just started out to work,
i would treat you to a nice meal.

But, when i had my own family,
i was consumed by my own selfishness,
you were no longer my priority...

Can you hear me now?
Are you watching me from above?

If you are,
i would like you to know that i am truly sorry and that i love you.

Mum,
do accept my apologies and continue with your journey in eternal peace.

KX

2008-10-06T00:44:00.002+08:00

Dear Mum,

How have you been?

Many nights before i sleep,
i would wish i could dream of you...

Many nights before i sleep,
i would think of you.

Can i please just dream of you,
just once?

I really miss you so much, Mum!

KX

2008-09-24T00:00:00.001+08:00

Dear Mum,

How have you been, Mum?

Still miss you lots,
as each day passes,
my missing for you deepen!

Dream of you the other day,
i was on the phone with you,
and chit chatting about the day-to-day event,
but the last part of the conversation still stuck in my mind.

"Mum, how had you been?"
"I am good, don't you worry about me!"

Then i woke up!

When i told Willie about this dream days later,
i burst into tears,
because i really really hate the fact that when it is time to repay you,
you were gone!

But, Mum,
my greatest wish for you now,
is for you to continue your journey in peace.

My missing should not hold you back,
as love for you would continue on in our heart.

KX

2008-09-17T14:40:00.002+08:00

Dear Mum,

How had you been?
How was your Mid Autumn Festival,
did you spent it with Ah Gong, Ah Mah and also Lau Tai Mah?

I miss you, Mum,
still does.

I am still very afraid of long journey,
as when i am waiting to reach my destination,
my mind would work back and recalled many memories and time spent with you.

Then tears would flow,
inviting many curious stares!

I remember how i used to hate you when i was a teenager,
now that i am a mother myself,
i know that i have misunderstood your intention.

If only,
i had been kinder to you,
if only,
i had been more appreciative.

KX

2008-09-13T09:02:00.002+08:00

Dear Mum,

How are you lately?
Are you having a great time catching up with Ah Gong and Ah Mah?

You are missed.

Mum,
Happy Mid Autumn Festival!

KX

2008-09-08T23:58:00.002+08:00

Dear Mum,

How have you been?
It's been awhile since you left us,
but time and again,
i would think of you,
and tears would continue to flow,
this time,
they flow inwards...

The aching feeling i am having now is painful,
i cannot have you back,
yet, i wish, i could.

I recalled the voice message you left on my mobile phone the day before you left us,
the urgency in your tone,
as you thought something had happened to Kayton.

And when i finally did called you back,
you did not mentioned about the anxious few hours you had been having when you failed to contact me.

Foolish me,
i only did hear that message the second day you left.

I was crying when i heard your voice in my mail box,
and i desperately press '7' every few days just to save the message.

In the end,
i still lost the message...

I miss you so much, Mum.
I wish i could cry out loud,
it had been months,
but the pain still so raw.

I can never feel such warmth again,
the warmth from a mother's love.

I love you, Mum.
I really do.

And i miss you, Mum,
I still do.

KX

2008-08-31T13:44:00.003+08:00

Dear Mum,

How have you been?

I miss you so much!
I remembered how you would prepare a feast for us when we were dropping by your place for a meal on weekends...
I remembered how your eyes would sparkle when you saw Dot!

Since Kayton is older now,
and can understand us much better,
i have decided to share abit of you every once in a while with him,
i would lay down on the bed with him,
while coaxing him to sleep,
i would share with him stories of you.

Mum,
these are memories i shall never forget,
these are legacy, from you to me, me to my son.
And in years to come,
the legacy would continues,
from you to me, me to my son, my son to his children.

KX

2008-08-22T13:16:00.002+08:00

Dear Mum,

Hi, Mum, how have you been?

A little conversation between Kayton and me took place last night,
"Where's Por Por?"

I had to tell him that you are in our heart and that you are in heaven.

Then Kayton tells me that he is sad because you 'no more le'.
And that he misses you!

KX

2008-08-20T23:11:00.003+08:00

Dear Mum,

It had been 4 months since you left us,
how have you been?

Do you like the dishes we prepared for Ah Gong Mah and you last Friday?

Bro was telling us that you must have a lot of catching up to do with Ah Gong Mah as you refused to let us clear the dishes when we 'asked' your permission...

Tears flow when i offered you a joss-stick,
as moment of memories flooded me.

I miss you so much.
And Kayton misses you too.

I was showing him your photo this morning,
and he said,
"Por Por No More le,
Kayton sad sad,
Mama sad sad."

I know you are in paradise now,
in a land where the green green grass stretch endlessly and horses run free on them,
where beautiful waterfalls can be found a few meters away from each other,
the magical musical sound of the waterfalls filled the air,
where the birds fly high in lovely blue sky.

A place with no pain and sorrow...

Thank you for blessing us, Mum.

KX

2008-08-09T23:01:00.003+08:00

Dear Mum,

How have you been?
We missed you!

I dreamt of you a few nights ago,
you were in your favourite white top,
the one i gave you at your last birthday,
and i asked if you were getting along fine now,
you gave me a smile and assured me that,
"Don't worry about me, i am fine".

I woke up from the dream,
and started crying.
Tears for missing you...

Thank you for answering my prayer and visiting me in my dream.

Mum,
i love and miss you.

KX

2008-08-03T22:26:00.002+08:00

Dear Mum,

How have you been?
We missed you.

Bro and i were chatting over dinner earlier today when we talked about you.
"I wonder how is mum now",
i asked.

And Bro cheekily replied that,
"Maybe she is waiting to be reborn as my child, so that i could repay her!"

Are you with a good family now?
We sincerely hope you are.
Like i always said to you,
we wish you continue your journey in peace and eternal happiness.

KX

2008-07-27T21:38:00.002+08:00

Dear Mum,

It will be your 100th day anniversary tomorrow.

I miss you,
we miss you.

Kayton shouted out "Ah Por Por" all of a sudden today while we were on the way to East Coast Park.
He saw me crying,
and i guess,
he knew i was missing you.

Then after dinner,
i saw the moth resting on my side of the car's window,
was it you?

Things had been so different without you around in the house,
so quiet...
Your laughter can never be heard,
your love for us can never be felt again.

But,
you know what, Mum,
they are buried deep inside my heart,
time and again,
i would feel a surge of motherly love from you,
and that's when i know,
you are watching over us.

Like one of my friend used to describe love for his mother,
"love for you is a never-ending song in my heart",
it fits every piece of description i had for you.

Continue your journey in peace and eternal happiness.

KX

2008-07-16T22:38:00.002+08:00

Dear Mum,

When i was singing to Kayton the nursery songs to prepare him for sleep,
image of you singing "Yi Shan Yi Shan Liang Jing Jing" suddenly came to my mind.

Many Saturdays would pass with you singing this song to Kayton when we visited you,
and you were kind enough to baby sit him while i steal a nap or two over at your place.

Then there was that favourite song of yours,
"Qing Qing He Bian Chao"!

I miss you, Mum.
I miss you kindness, your warmth and your love.

You are the greatest mum in the world,
yet, i took you for granted.
When it was time for me to repay you,
it was all too late.

KX

2008-07-14T12:08:00.002+08:00

Dear Mum,

Hi, how have you been?

Was home yesterday to offer you a joss-stick,
and saw how beautifully Dad did up your altar.
Do you like those flowers?

Bought you a box of your favourite 5-nuts mooncake when i was in Hong Kong,
but you got to wait yeah,
Dad will offer them to you on your 100th day.

How times flies, Mum.
In another two weeks time,
it would mark your 100th day anniversary.

It does not matter if it is your 100th day, 1000th day or more,
i will miss you still.
Tears flow freely when i think of you,
and my heart still beat with a nagging feeling of losing something very important...

Memories of you i can't and won't erase,
stories of you i will tell to your favourite grandson, Kayton.

Continue your journey in peace, Mum.
And thank you for blessing me.
We have got two good news this morning,
and i know you are sharing the joy with me,
as i could felt your happiness for me when i thought of you...

I miss you.

KX

2008-07-08T23:16:00.002+08:00

Dear Mum,

I know you are here with me.
I could feel your presence,
the peace and warmth whenever i think of you.

Do you like it here,
do you feel their pace?
Too fast for you, you say...

This is the way they do things here,
they treat minutes as second, hours as minutes.

Mum,
i miss you still.

Thank you for blessing me.

KX

2008-07-02T12:34:00.002+08:00

Dear Mum,

Did you hear the birthday song that Kayton sang to you last night?

We told him that it was your birthday,
and when he saw the cakes we offered you,
he started singing the "Happy Birthday" song to you.

I miss you, Mum.
I really do.

Many times,
my tears flow like falling leave...

KX

2008-07-01T11:18:00.002+08:00

Dear Mum,

Today is your 53rd birthday,
although i know,
this day no longer holds a special meaning to you in your world,
i still have this birthday wish for you,
"Mum, continue your journey in peace and eternal happiness!"

KX

2008-06-21T21:24:00.001+08:00

Mum,

I wish you were here.
I still feel the pain and lost when i came across an old photo of yours back in 1998..

You were laughing so happily then.
I wish i had given you this much laughter the years after,
but i did not.

I am so sorry, Mum.

KX

2008-06-17T12:33:00.003+08:00

Mum,

I dream of you last night.

This left me very excited,
yet the same time,
sad...
as i miss you.

As i said before,
i feel like a falling leave,
never touching the ground...

If it is really you visiting me,
i am happy.

Because you showed me your new home,
and that you are still the way you were.

I told Willie about the dream,
and when i mentioned that i never look you in the eyes in my dream,
he replied,
"well, when your mum was still alive, you also seldom look her in the eyes when you talk to her..."

I am sorry, Mum.
I should not have taken you for granted.

There are many "SHOULD HAVE" and "WHAT IF",
but none of these really matters now.

I miss you, Mum.
Continue your journey in peace and do not worry for us.

KX

2008-06-09T21:27:00.002+08:00

Mum,

Continue your journey in peace,
we told you when the monk was doing a 49th day's service for you.

As he was explaining to us,
where you would be on your 49th day,
i couldn't help but feel sad.

It was a great feeling of lost,
yet,
on the other hand,
we wish that you will continue your journey in peace.

It was raining when we proceed to burn our offering to you,
"your mummy is missing you guys and wouldn't leave...."
the monk said.

We were sad too,
Mum.
We were missing you so much that our heart hurts!
It's like a feeling of being a falling leave,
but never touching the ground...

When i saw your tablet at the CCK crematorium,
i cried.
The last time we were there to place your ash,
the photo wasn't ready yet.

And now,
the reality had sunk in after seeing your photo,
and the wordings...

I miss you,
Mum.

No amount of money or regrets can i have you back now,
all i can do,
is to keep my promise to you,
and never living another regret ever again.

Continue your journey in peace,
Mum.

For this would be what we want of you....

KX

2008-06-01T23:54:00.002+08:00

Mum,

The preparation for your 49th day is complete,
thanks to MK.

As i was looking at the offering we got for you,
i cried again!

This time,
the tears were like water-fall...

How i wish,
i have a chance to buy you stuff again,
just like before...

I still misses you alot,
time seem to be still,
when i am remembering you,
missing you...

Where ever you are,
i hope you can still feel our love for you.

Bro was telling me,
Buddhism believe that,
after 49 days,
one who die,
will complete the journey,
and be reborn.

I know you will be reborn into a good family,
because you had been a great person.

EVERYONE who knows you,
are sadden by the news that you have left,
but on the other hand,
they are HAPPY for you,
because you had left in PEACE.

You have touched some life,
with your care and concern,
remember that Auntie that sat on the void-deck?
she came and pay her last respect at your wake...

And there were more...

KX

2008-05-29T17:02:00.002+08:00

Mum,

last night,
as we were lying in bed,
and chatting,
Kayton said "Ah Ton miss Por Por!"...

i told him,
"Mummy misses Por Por too, we shall both place Por Por in our heart!".

i miss you, Mum.
i often wonder,
how are you now...
where are you now...

you are one great Mother,
i was too blind not to see that as i was growing up,
then when i became a Mother myself,
i was too selfish to admit that there is a Mother greater and far more better than me.

if i have a chance,
i would give you a great big hug,
and say THANK YOU for everything!

KX

2008-05-28T10:32:00.002+08:00

Mum,

Kayton was toying around with my wallet last night,
when he saw your photo,
he took it out and screamed "POR POR" excitedly.

Little one misses you.
So do we.

Soon,
you be joining Ah Gong and Ah Mah,
and be placed in the new "Sheng Zhu Tai" we got for you.

It's in lovely beige,
with lovely lotus design,
Willie and Bro choose it,
and the moment i saw it,
i knew you will like it.

Continue your journey in peace,
mum.
I know you must be smiling when you are looking down from up above,
because i can sense that inner peace when i think of you.

KX

2008-05-24T23:53:00.002+08:00

Mum,

how are you?
did you liked those dishes we prepared for you today?
those were your favourites...

it's been 35 days,
and i miss you,
your voice,
your presence...

missing is the most heartache thing that can happen to one,
it's like a hole in my heart,
never mending...
always bleeding...

but it is also through the process of missing,
i can have moment after moment of memories about you...
about how you loved us,
how you protected us,
how you took care of us,
unconditionally.

you never complained,
because you love us.

KX

2008-05-23T16:44:00.002+08:00

Mum,

suddenly,
i recalled this...

it was your birthday,
and i bought you to a japanese restaurant,
it was your FIRST visit to a japanese restaurant,
and you were terrified.

i ordered teriyaki chicken rice for you,
and you LOVED it.

then i made an empty promise to you,
"you like it? next time i bring you here again!"

every time we passed by that japanese restaurant,
i would fail to remember my promise.

then when i finally do remember my promise,
it's all too late,
you are gone...

KX

2008-05-21T11:27:00.002+08:00

Mum,

thought of you this morning,
and i had to fight hard to stop my tears from flowing.

i remembered how you always loved the fried beehoon stall from the Kopitiam opposite Yew Tee MRT.

before my temper got really bad,
i used to buy the fried beehoon for you, dad and bro,
then i would squeeze them in my backpack,
one hand carrying kayton,
and the load of us would take the train and went over your house...

then i changed,
at times,
when you would request for it,
i would simply tell you,
"i can't, because i have to carry kayton and my bag is huge and heavy!!"

i am sorry.
i truly am.

i wish i had the chance to climb those stairs,
queue those lines,
and pack a pack of your favourite fried beehoon,
sit along with you,
and chat while we eat...

KX

2008-05-19T23:15:00.003+08:00

Mum,

this was written by my friend, Amy.
she met you a couple of times when she popped by my place for a visit.

-------------------------------------------------------------------
Thursday, April 24, 2008
A day to remember....for Popo..(Auntie's KM's mother)

Popo (Auntie KM's mother)....this is for you..

Lucidity and torment her eyes did portray.
Trapped in a body once lively and gay.
I still remember her smiley face
That looked so heavenly and with grace
One of the things that remind me from thoughts
Is the assurance of love found only in this grandmother's touch.
Days have passed since she walked this earth,
But with memories held tight I praise her great worth.
These joys in their heart, so fragile and dear,
Have kept her alive and very near.
Still to this day she protects from above,
Sustained by these memories of her undying love.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

how are you now?
i miss you.
i hope to dream of you so much,
that most nights,
before i go to bed,
i will call out for you,
and ask you to visit me in my dreams...

KX

2008-05-19T11:34:00.002+08:00

Mum,

MK got a call from your ex-colleague (XJ) yesterday afternoon,
she cried when she heard that you had left,
but was happy for you when she knew that you left in peace...

She mentioned that you told her once,
you felt pain sometimes,
when you took a shower...

I feel so heart-pain when i heard this,
i know i can never say sorry enough,
or in any way,
make it up to you.

I can only compensate to you,
by keeping my promise.

History would not repeat itself.
Dad is in good hands.

And i know that if you are up above,
looking down,
you are smiling,
because we are starting to care for dad,
from the bottom of our heart...

KX

2008-05-17T14:17:00.002+08:00

Mum,

i got your hongbao,
thank you.

you knew,
didn't you,
that's why you prepared them so many weeks before...

we got Dad a nice wallet and shirt,
and i can see that he likes them very much.

WJ coming over later,
to cook us some dinner,
how i wish you are here,
to sit down and have a meal with us.

KX

2008-05-17T01:26:00.002+08:00

Mum,

It's been 27 days,
and i still miss you like crazy.

Remember those days when you had to work late,
and came home only at 11:15pm.
Even though i was young,
i knew that you were tired from working these OT,
your mind was all about making the money to let us all have a better life.
How could i ever repay you?
Only by one way,
and that is to keep my promise to you.

I would stay up late,
then sat at the kitchen,
while you were having your bath,
you do know that i knew that you were afraid to be alone in the kitchen's toilet,
that's why i sat around at the kitchen's table, right?

Then some afternoon,
bro and i would surprise you by making an effort to clean up the whole house,
and when you knock off from a long day's work,
you would ask us in surprise,
"somebody visiting us tomorrow??"

And not forgetting those little Mother's Day's gifts we got for you when we were young...i know you treasure them, because years later, we still see them in your drawer!

As i slap myself over and over again by all the wrong things i had done,
i began to remember those nice little things i did for you too.

I love you, Mum.

KX

2008-05-14T17:24:00.000+08:00

Mum,
I realize,
I am never going to find one that will love me the way you do.

I was always writing about giving Kayton unconditioned love,
but I never did wrote about the unconditioned love that you showered upon me,
because I simply took the love for granted.

I am such a ungrateful idiot who do not know what’s I have got,
until it’s all too late.

When you used to call me on Fridays,
asking if I would be home for a meal the next day,
I would sometimes lose my patience on you.
I would sometimes think,
why can’t you just leave me alone?

Now,
I miss your calls like crazy!
I miss you.

When you would slow down and try to walk along side with us when we were out shopping,
I would lose my cool and ask you to walk ahead and not block us!
How could I be so rude?
How could I be so insensitive?

Now, I miss those moments,
where the three of us would walk the long route home from Jurong Point on some Saturdays.

When you would whip up a whole table of my favourite dishes,
I would sometimes,
lose my cool and scold you for wasting time!
As how could I finish them in a meal,
so when you ask me to pack some for Willie,
I lose my cool again,
and tell you that it’s too troublesome for me to do so!!

Just how could i?

My taste bud is dead,
nothing can excite them anymore.

And there are many many other regrets too.

I just wish,
I had treated you like a queen when I had the chance.
IF ONLY.

Mum,
I have my promise to you in my heart.
I shall fulfill it and never let you down.

KX

2008-05-12T23:14:00.002+08:00

Mum,

when i was doing my shopping yesterday,
i found what i would have given you as Mother's Day gifts.

That purple top and the pair of love shaped earring.
This complete my search.

KX

2008-05-12T23:08:00.002+08:00

Mum,

memories of you i can't erase,
and i WON'T erase.

i miss the month when you did my confinement,
you were extra kind to me,
even though you were suffering from your illness,
you make sure that i had hot steaming dishes for my lunch and dinner.

you accompanied down to visit Kayton,
never complaining on those daily journeys to the hospital with me,
because you love me,
because you love Kayton.

i remembered that many nights,
when we were sharing the same room,
and late into the night,
we would chat about your family,
your love life with dad before the two of you got married,
the many funny moments of us when MK and i were young...

i wish i had told you THANK YOU after my confinement,
i cannot remember if i had been rude to you any of the time when you were taking care of me during that one month,
if i had,
i am SORRY.
Truly SORRY.

KX

2008-05-10T12:38:00.004+08:00

Mum,

it's been 21 days since you left us...
how are you?

i asked this question almost every night,
asking where are you now,
and if you are okay.

dad and bro burned you some 'gold' and 'silver' for your expenses in your world,
also they bought you some clothes and comestics.

you came, did you?
we saw the moth...

even though we are still trying to come to terms with the fact that you have really left us,
we still want you to continue your journey in peace!

KX

2008-05-08T09:58:00.003+08:00

Mum,

i got my big check yesterday!
but the saddest thing now is that,
nothing i do and say can bring you back to me.

i wish,
how i wish....

i could finally repay you,
i cooked up so many plans on how to surprise you,
but none of this really make sense now,
because you are no longer physically here to be surprised!

nevertheless,
i will still celebrate mother's day with you,
with bro, dad, kayton and willie.

i will not forget your favourite mango cake,
of course, your favourite durian!!

i miss you so much that my heart hurts!!

KX

2008-05-05T23:26:00.003+08:00

Mum,

was asking Willie last night,
"two years from now, would i forget mum?"

he replied,
"silly! do you still remember your grandmother?"

"OF COURSE LAH!!"

"then, that's your mum leh, gave birth to you, raised you for 32 years leh!"

actually, i know, mum,
i will never forget you.

in my heart,
you will always have a special place.

i am so sorry for always taking you for granted,
i am so sorry for always raising my voice at you,
i am so sorry for not lending you my ears when you needed a pair,
i am just so sorry.

my heart hurts so much from missing you,
and from all the regrets i have.

i wish i had been a good daughter to you,

i wish i had given you more...

why is it that i never took willie's warning seriously,
for once he told me after my rudeness to you,
"you don't wait until one day you regret, then it's too late!!"

SORRY, mum.

KX

2008-05-05T10:16:00.001+08:00

Mum,
I was sharing with Bro that day one funny incident many many years ago.

Think I was around 6,
And Bro was like 3…

You went for a haircut,
and Bro freaked out and cry and refused you when you came home with a different look.

Dad and I were trying hard to coax him,
to make him understand that Mummy never change, only her hair change!!

He must have broke your heart,
made you sad yeah?

Bro, are you reading this?
Don’t feel guilty yeah,
this is a family joke that stayed on for many many years!!
You were very very close to mum when you were just a kid,
to put it bluntly,
you are like a superglue,
glued to mum!!
ONLY mum.

KX

2008-05-02T09:49:00.002+08:00

Mum,
you were such a shy lady.

Even though you had known Willie for 12 over years,
but you were still shy to talk to him!

Willie shared with us on how he would purposely brushed his hand against yours when you need to pass him something.
since you were always shy to put out your hand towards him,

Then after a few times,
you were no longer that shy of him!

He made us laughed every time we imagined how shy and shocked you would looked when he brushed his hand against yours!!

KX

2008-05-02T09:46:00.003+08:00

i think of you last night, mum.
i was crying as i was telling willie how much i missed you.

it was so hard to bear the loneness i am feeling without you nagging beside me.
suddenly,
my world seem overly quiet,
and cold.

then we laughed as we recalled how,
when willie and i were talking when we used to drop by your house on weekend to have a meal,
you would just cut in and tried to join in the conversation.

and i take my hat off you,
you always manage to follow up with our conversation
even though you were not involved in the beginning...

KX

2008-05-01T12:04:00.001+08:00

Mum,

we are home to offer you lunch.
it's your favourite pork leg and rice.

i made a cup of 3-in-1 coffeemix for you.

while i was offering you joysticks,
i couldn't help but cry again.

Mum, how i wish you are still around.
to sit down and have a meal with us.

i miss you, mum.

KX

Mum's 8 lie

2008-04-30T22:21:00.000+08:00

EIGHT LIES OF A MOTHER

This story begins when I was a child: I was born poor. Often we hadn't enough to eat.

Whenever we had some food, Mother often gave me her portion of rice. While she was

transferring her rice into my bowl, she would say 'Eat this rice, son! I'm not hungry.'

This was Mother's First Lie.

As I grew, Mother gave up her spare time to fish in a river near our house; she hoped

that from the fish she caught, she could give me a little bit more nutritious food for my

growth. Once she had caught just two fish, she would make fish soup. While I was eating

the soup, mother would sit beside me and eat what was still left on the bone of the fish

I had eaten; My heart was touched when I saw it. Once I gave the other fish to her on

my chopstick but she immediately refused it and said, 'Eat this fish, son! I don't really like fish.'

This was Mother's Second Lie.

Then, in order to fund my education, Mother went to a Match Factory to bring home some

used matchboxes which she filled with fresh matchsticks. This helped her get some money

to cover our needs. One wintry night I awoke to find Mother filling the matchboxes by

candlelight. So I said, 'Mother, go to sleep; it's late: you can continue working tomorrow

morning.' Mother smiled and said 'Go to sleep, son! I'm not tired.'

This was Mother's Third Lie

When I had to sit my Final Examination, Mother accompanied me. After dawn, Mother waited

for me for hours in the heat of the sun. When the bell rang, I ran to meet her. Mother

embraced me and poured me a glass of tea that she had prepared in a thermos. The tea was

not as strong as my Mother's love, Seeing Mother covered with perspiration; I at once gave

her my glass and asked her to drink too. Mother said 'Drink, son! I'm not thirsty!

This was Mother's Fourth Lie.

After Father's death, Mother had to play the role of a single parent. She held on to her former

job; she had to fund our needs alone. Our family's life was more complicated. We suffered

from starvation. Seeing our family's condition worsening, my kind Uncle who lived near my

house came to help us solve our problems big and small. Our other neighbors saw that we

were poverty stricken so they often advised my mother to marry again. But Mother refused

to remarry saying 'I don't need love.'

This was Mother's Fifth Lie.

After I had finished my studies and gotten a job, it was time for my old Mother to retire but

she carried on going to the market every morning just to sell a few vegetables. I kept sending

her money but she was steadfast and even sent the money back to me. She said, 'I have

enough money.'

That was Mother's Sixth Lie.

I continued my part-time studies for my Master's Degree. Funded by the American Corporation

for which I worked, I succeeded in my studies. With a big jump in my salary, I decided to bring

Mother to enjoy life in America but Mother didn't want to bother her son; she said to me 'I'm

not used to high living.'

That was Mother's Seventh Lie

In her dotage, Mother was attacked by cancer and had to be hospitalized. Now living far across

the ocean, I went home to visit Mother who was bedridden after an operation. Mother tried to

smile but I was heartbroken because she was so thin and feeble but Mother said, 'Don't cry,

son! I'm not in pain.'

That was Mother's Eighth Lie.

Telling me this, her eighth lie, she died.
YES, MOTHER WAS AN ANGEL!

M - O - T - H - E - R

'M' is for the Million things she gave me, 'O' means Only that she's growing old, 'T' is for the

Tears she shed to save me, 'H' is for her Heart of gold, 'E' is for her Eyes with love-light shining

in them, 'R' means Right, and right she'll always be, Put them all together, they spell 'MOTHER'

a word that means the world to me. For those of you who are lucky to be still blessed with

your Mom's presence on Earth, this story is beautiful. For those who aren't so blessed, this is

even more beautiful.

MK : Abstract from a friend.

2008-04-30T13:34:00.004+08:00

Mum,
the long train ride to work this morning is wreaking me emotionally.

I broke down crying in the middle of the ride,
drawing lots of curious stare.

I remembered how you would call me a day before a public holiday asking if i would be home for a meal...

I really do miss you.
Alot.

KX

Mum, I think of you again

2008-04-29T20:47:00.002+08:00

It had been a week since you left us.
I was just thinking of you again
I wonder in this world will there be another one who
will love me unconditionally like you do.
Tears roll down.
I wish I could now chat with you, joke with you
and hear your voice.
Mum, I miss you

MK

2008-04-29T12:38:00.001+08:00

Mum,
i had a vision of you in my mind this morning when i woke up.

You were sitting at my dinning table,
laughing very happily.

I went over to Dad's place last night to offer you a joystick,
and told you to visit me in my dream if you know how,
at least let me know how are you doing now.

You really did came.

I love you, Mum.
I love you.

KX

2008-04-26T22:36:00.001+08:00

Mum,
i remember once when we were young,
you bought us to a beach for a swim.

Then your purse got snatched.

You freaked out,
and bought us home.

But the story did not end here,
you got quite a scolding from dad.

KX

2008-04-26T19:02:00.002+08:00

Mum,
we bought Kayton home to pay his respect to you le.

Sometimes,
when i close my eyes and then open them again,
i wish by the time i open my eyes,
i see you,
and as if you never leave us.

But,
this is the truth,
you left in peace.

And no matter how much i can't bear,
this is still the truth i can't change.

Like i said many times,
many regrets,
many tears.

Today,
i realise,
my birthday, anniversary or any other special occassion no longer are important.
What important most,
is your anniversary.

You taught me many lessons in life,
and i know,
i have not fully learned them yet.

We are at lesson number five,
and i know,
there are more to come.

KX

Some of your happiest moments...

2008-04-26T13:09:00.001+08:00

2008-04-26T13:00:00.001+08:00

Mum, i wrote this for you on 21st morning.
I came home for a bath,
then the urge to write about you just wouldn't go away.

I sat down,
and just wrote.
http://kaytonite.blogspot.com/2008/04/i-love-you-mum.html
Tears were flowing,
this grief was new to me and i just couldn't cope,
except to write them out as a form of memory.

Mum,
friends read and they sent their many condolences.

See, you no longer need to worry about me,
i have many friends whom will comfort and support me throughout this griefing period.
And not forgetting, i have Willie and Bro too.

KX

We miss you, Mum

2008-04-26T11:40:00.001+08:00

Today is your first 7th.
Prepared all your favourite foods,
chicken, fish, chocolate, glutinous rice, yam cake, beancurd, fruits and of course, DURIAN!

We also got you some nice clothes, bags, shoes, massage chair and refreshement.

"I took the plate of dumpling into your room and eat it with tears of memory. You bought them to my house when you visited me on the 19th. When you left us on the 20th morning, i bought them over to your house, because i want to share this last memory of you with Dad and Bro. I cry and cry, because i know, this shall be the last treat you bought for me. As i was offering the joysticks to you, i cry again. I just couldn't control my tears! Why didn't i think of buying any of these food to you when you were still alive. When didn't i think of bringing you to the coffeeshop and just throw away all caution and just enjoy our meal without reminding you of your diabetics and high blood! Why never, not even once???????????????????????????????????" KX.